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Category Archives: Uncategorized

It’s Not WHAT You Say Sometimes….

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And sometimes it is. When we communicate with others, the words we use are only a small part of the exchange. As we talk, others who are listening are focused on our body language, our tone and the pace of our speech. We may spend a great deal of time getting the message “right” only to find that our well-rehearsed speech is falling on deaf ears, because our body language is telling the listener something different! Think about a discussion you may have had with a boss, a significant other or a teenager. You are speaking, they are reacting and you may either say, or be thinking, “But ALL I said was….”Unfortunately for us, sometimes “all” we say isn’t all! We all have our preferred behavioral style and natural approach to communication. Some people react more quickly – they think fast, and respond fast. They “get it” and they are…

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Making You Feel Bad so I Can Feel Better

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Too many people suffer from a feeling of “I’m not enough” – I haven’t accomplished enough, I don’t have enough, I’m not good enough, I haven’t been rewarded for my hard work, or I’m never in the right place at the right time. The “not enough” feeling can come from many different places, but its outcome is almost always the same: I feel incomplete. There is something I am missing, or something that I need in order to feel whole. If having this empty feeling weren’t enough, what some people do to try and fill it is to make someone else look bad or feel badly about their life. This can take many forms – criticizing another person, blaming them, or pointing out their flaws or shortcomings to another person in the form of gossip or backbiting. If I am able to bring you down and I can stand on…

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Time to Lose the Stress – Change Your Self-Talk

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An article by Deborah Kotz in the November 4, 2013, issue of The Boston Globe expresses what those of us in the wellness field have known for a long time – stress makes you sick. Some stress is good of course, and spurs us to action, but stress unchecked for lengthy periods leads to anxiety, depression and a host of physical and physiological ailments that are very real. Just two years ago (November 6, 2011), USA Today reported that “More than 20 percent of American adults took at least one drug for conditions like anxiety and depression in 2010, according to an analysis of prescription data, including more than one in four women.” American are stressed out, drugged up and spending far more time at the doctor’s office with real issues that need to be resolved. As the Globe article states, many of these folks are low income and dealing…

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Moving With a Destination

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“Just get moving!” is a common exercise creed. Moving with a Destination takes forethought.  If you have been sedentary, any movement is considered “good” movement. It doesn’t matter where you go or what you do, just move! In life, to accomplish almost any other goal, “just move!” isn’t going to work. In fact, it is the human condition to spend our time trying to get away from something we don’t like, rather than spending time thinking about where we really want to go, and why. Goal setting and the discipline of writing down goals is not a new concept, but why do so few people actually do it? Human beings can spend time complaining, ruing their lot in life, and dreaming about the day they don’t have to do whatever it is they are currently doing, and yet they don’t feel they have time or mindshare to sit down and…

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Guest Blogger: Debbi Dachinger

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Most people know my deep belief in the power of shifting. Everyone has the chance at any point to choose to shift. My dear friend Debbi has some great information on how to get where you want to go. Read on for inspiration from a fascinating person. ~Bev   Shifting to the Next Level By Debbi Dachinger Host of Syndicated “Dare to Dream” show Bestselling, Award-winning Author When we desire to shift our life to the next level, we should ask these questions. Are you expressing thankfulness right now? Look at your level of Gratitude and Gratefulness. How authentic are you in your life? How adaptable are you? Can life and circumstance still surprise and delight you? Do you keep things simple or do you complicate life to be full of drama and chaos?  Do you listen to others? Do you command the space you came here to inhabit? Do…

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Mis-step On Goals? Stop Chasing Those Shiny Things!

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Too many people have dreams, and even set goals, but don’t achieve what they are capable of. There are as many reasons for getting off track as there are people who do so, but one of the main reasons I have observed in my consulting and hypnotherapy practices is the need to chase those shiny things! “Chasing shiny things” is a fancy term for becoming easily distracted and, instead of focusing on a task at hand, becoming more interested in that over there, or that over there, or even that over there… People who do this often are very smart multi-taskers. They get easily bored. They are able to do many things at once. They are quite capable of doing more than an “average” person might do in a single day. It’s a strength, and a curse. When taken to the extreme, these folks can have a hard time focusing…

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Talking Trash

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One of the most beneficial things I have done over the last year was to write my newest book on self-talk, Self-Talk for a Calmer You. When Adams Media reached out and inquired about my interest in writing on this topic, I was thrilled. As a hypnotherapist and corporate coach, I have long known the power of self-talk – both to help us and to hurt us. It was an unexpected gift for me personally to write the book because as I was writing, I realized how little I pay attention to my own self-talk. Oh, I use my self-talk well when I think about it: I set goals, I calm myself when I feel anxiety coming on, I speak positively about new situations I am entering. I thought I had a handle on my own self-talk. That is, until I started to write. At times I would be writing…

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Whoops! Did I Say I Was Coming to YOUR Wedding?

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One of the interesting things about understanding other people is having the chance to watch what others do – and, often times, observe how disconnected they are from their impact on other people. We all have moments of “It’s all about me” – it is secret number one, after all. But some people truly look at the world through the lens of “me” and have little ability to see how their actions impact others. It’s a common occurrence, when people are standing around saying, “Do they realize what they are doing?” that the person they are often talking about really doesn’t understand the impact of their actions! This was driven home to me again recently with an incident between friends of mine. I had a friend at one of my client firms who was single at the time; I’ll call her “Dawn”. When we worked together I had my three…

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The Haggard Generation

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As many of you know who read my blogs, I love country music. Montgomery Gentry has a song called “Hell Yeah” where they talk about being “a product of the Haggard Generation.” Now, they may be talking about Merle Haggard and people who grew up listening to his music, but whenever I hear the line I conjure up a picture of many of us who are “haggard” due to running from work to school to sports to events for our children to work again. Many days we feel haggard and run down. And with the demise of retirement savings for many people, we see “haggard” people who were hoping to retire but are having to continue working well into their golden years. This weekend I was away with my daughter at a dance competition, and all of the moms and dads there seemed haggard after dances that went on until…

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What Fills Your Filters?

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In my book, “Understanding Other People: The Five Secrets to Human Behavior,” I talk about filters – those films we have in front of all of our experiences. Filters tell us what’s “right” and what’s “wrong,” and they color our viewpoint as we look out at the world. We don’t recognize the filters; we just respond to them. Filters can become increasingly clogged when we don’t realize the impact that our self-talk has on them. We talk to ourselves all day long about everything. It’s like a running commentary in our head telling us what we see, whether we should like it or not, and interpreting it for us. It’s an unseen and unrealized process that goes on – we just react and respond to things, not realizing that we are doing so. If we begin to pay attention to the filters, and what fills them, we will see that…

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